Blarmey

The Upshot

2010-12-20T17:48:00.000-08:00

Around 1986 in the Philippines, on the wave of media exultation following the collapse of the Marcos dictatorship, a radio announcer with a show called Gintong Kaalaman went on national TV. He was the trivia-spouting weatherman with the swooping hairpiece and the slight schoolteacher hunch. Through the TelePrompTer, he looked at you out of a cocked left eye and a swagger-ready left shoulder and started with, “Alam ba ninyo na…”

Ernie Baron was a curious sort, and expressed it by inventing the Baron Super Antenna, and the tetrahedron, both of dubious efficacy, at best. The latter was supposed to have the same supernatural power of the Egyptian pyramids, but now to make cheese, eggs salted, sharpen the brain (and your kitchen knife), and charge batteries (for the non-believer’s electric knife sharpener).

The tetrahedron became a minor fad. Students supposedly walked to and from their classes wearing this “invention” on their heads for better grades. Even my neighbors—completely rational, mountaineers/boy scouts and tech school grads—believed in it and made their own, swearing by its efficacy.

Mr Baron surely had his 15 minutes and used it to peddle some useless products, but he was able to capitalize on a populace that was experiencing the highs of a new Philippines. Newfound empowerment, self-determination, and a media environment that was free from suppression of liberal thought and intellectualism.

Today, the world’s psyche is balancing on the tip of a sharpened edge. Climate change, capitalism, and the correlated collapse of the American empire all give us the right to be anxious and uncertain, to the point of pouring money into the next new technologies that may save us all. Companies that are developing SPF 5000, terrorist repellant, and gill transplant technology come to mind. Make no mistake, doomsday predictions and all, this is the most challenging and thus exciting time for humanity. With so much tumult, so many rules being upended, there is so much possibility—literally in our hands—that the barriers between thought and action, product, or service have all but disappeared.

A year ago, I was in San Francisco, working for a startup in a down market. A market whose only hope was to make products that could avert global disasters, a.k.a. God Save Us From Ourselves. Corporate greed, disregard for the balance of nature and for fellow man was threatening absolute chaos. It was a bummer of a place and time to start a story, not to mention a career in advertising.

However, it was also the age of the hyperlink, Obamania, and the Large Hadron Collider. If you aren’t hearing the universe sending signals that imagination rules, you should maybe stick to your 9-5 but chain your kids to computer. Nowadays, we can create anything out of thin air. And that was why I was happy to be back in Manila. At least that was what I told myself.

Dickens famously said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” The Philippines is the land of paradoxes and love amidst difficulties. You have tight social cliques, but also 7,107 islands to leave them all behind. We have only one beer, but the best mangoes on the planet. You get three receipts when you buy a pack of gum, but, in traffic, anything goes with hardly the threat of punishment.

I knew it all too well. I also knew that I would need to leave all my California righteousness and the 15% tip rule on the plane if I wanted to seamlessly reintegrate.

But was seamless reintegration really the answer? Warren Buffet says, in a selling market, buy. And vice-versa. Always buck the crowd. Zig when everybody zags. For at night, the candle’s brighter than the sun.

This is the moment we have all been waiting for. Art, technology, games, politics, food, microbrews, weatherproofing, environment, peace and order, driver education, community organizing; there is virtually unlimited possibilities that can effect change—positive change in people’s behavior. And why now more than ever?

But every thorn has its rose; every essay has a silver outline; every economic downturn lays down prime fodder for fomenting change; every unmitigated natural or manmade disaster makes us ask why we need government and capitalists to take our money.

In times like these, we invite family and friends to dinner at our houses more. We feel better about going to the weekend markets than a faceless grocery. We cherish hand-me-down baby strollers to a pimped-out pram.

We value substance over form, especially at a discount. We go for the different against the status quo. We sift through the promises and look for promise. And sometimes, we get deluded into buying the ‘new’ for the lack of the ‘improved.’

In cycles, the universe is kind to the Ernie Barons, the Obamas, the mavericks of public opinion who do the opposite of what is said to be possible. After all, man does well enough alone to monopolize and overwhelm his environment with his vision of dominance. Natural law clears the path for the upstarts, with often brutal ways to cull the laggards, victims, and the dinosaurs. And if you find yourself in one piece when the slaughter ends, sharpen that knife, and get to work on the next big thing.

You have 15 minutes.

Do Your Homework

2010-11-10T19:18:00.000-08:00

To mark the new semester in Assumption San Lorenzo, my former advertising 101 students have been pelting me with the same question for their first assignment.

"How do you prepare for a client's advertising campaign?"

The contrarian in me is trying to find different ways of processing this, to be out of the box and counter-culture.

The truth is, whether copywriter or art director; whether follower or destroyer of culture; whether you think your client is an idiot or a best friend, nothing replaces the rigors of analysis, elimination, and acknowledgement that best answers come from the most elegantly phrased problems.

To prepare for a campaign, you do the following:

1) determine the client's business objectives
2) identify the barriers to client's business objectives

is it a customer issue? (awareness, greater market share, dropping loyalty)
a product issue? (name is hard to pronounce, cultural inacceptance)
a PR issue? (business is perceived as 'bad,' past product failures)
a supply chain issue? (customers can't see it on shelf, store managers won't stock it, business doesn't offer delivery)
it can't be searched for on the internet
etc.

4) verify that the barriers to your client's business objectives are correct
5) explore the most natural way to communicate with the "barrier"

advertising
PR
supply chain management
direct marketing
branding/rebranding
SEO/SEM
etc.

Since my students specifically asked how to prepare for an ad campaign, let's proceed to:

6) make a creative brief
7) choose a fact, insight, truth in the creative brief to overcome the barrier
8) execute with a concept
9) test your execution with a focus group discussion (optional)
10) refine
11) present to client

PaPaPals

2010-10-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

Last year, I got my break at joining the solid advertising agency, Harrison, Philippines, in one of the most strategically tight, executionally bright, and FUN pitch campaigns I've ever worked on.

Imagine my surprise when I was looking at my SEM results and found this on page 2.

Thanks Budj Tan for the credit and the honor.

The PAPA PALS
Client: SAFI
Product: Papa Sweet-Blend Ketchup
Agency: Harrison Communications
Accounts: Maricel Pangilinan-Arenas, Monday Gonzales, Madel Palman, Tracy Ampil, Arvon Fernandez • ECD: Budjette Tan / Alex Arellano • Writer: JB Tapia / Carlos Garchitorena • Art Directors: Reinard Santos / Louie Aquino • Mastermind: Raul Castro
Production House: ProVill • Producers: Cris Dy-Liacco / Alec Humphries • Director: Luis Tabuena • D.O.P.: Take Onishi • Post House: Optima Digital •

Music by Dan Gil

The Case of Can v Should

2010-09-16T04:53:00.001-07:00

Last week, the senate blue ribbon committee held members of the media at mic-point to deliver answers to the public regarding the August 23 hostage taking. Hardly anything but a Pacquiao fight would ever get as much mileage in the public light, and three weeks later, the fatal errors of that night are still only barely fading in the public’s eye.

Tantamount to the success of the parallel investigations by the IIRC and the Senate committee is finding the culprit or liable parties in the incident, which explains their casting a wide a net and questioning all involved.

The latest in the crosshairs of the senators were broadcasters from RMN, GMA, and ABS-CBN, who all vehemently defended their conduct and responsibility to report the news. Without guidance or censorship from the authorities at the time, the media were left to their own devices—namely, camera, lights, action.

As the incident broke down into chaos and folly, the world saw the incompetence of a nation in securing the people in its custody. Telecast live, suspended policeman Rolando Mendoza murdered 8 Hong Kong residents in a rain of gunfire before he was killed by assaulting policemen.

Somewhere in Florida, a pastor of a 50-weak congregation denounced Islam and planned an inconceivably deluded “International Burn a Koran Day.” From his decrepit place of worship, which doubles as a storehouse for his business of selling used furniture, Terry Jones called Islam "of the devil."

His actions sparked condemnation from national and world leaders, and as far as Indonesia and Pakistan, flags of the USA were burned and trampled. Even in his church, Dove World Outreach Center, attendance dwindled to a dozen of his family, who started carrying guns in a show of startling sense, and acknowledgement of the dangers of offending one of the oldest religions in the world.

After Defense Secretary Robert Gates called Mr Jones and explained that he was putting US lives abroad at risk, the pastor relented. His son, sidearm holstered, stood quietly and proudly as his father read his statement to the press circus on his lawn. The son was composed until after the end, when he enigmatically shouted, “It’s history man. This is history!”

Maybe it’s the pressure that the 24 hour news cycle bears upon producers; maybe it’s the indefatigable curiosity that sets journalists on the hunt for the four Ws and the one H; maybe writing about celebrities is a way to celebrity itself, but whatever happened to “no news is good news?”

Don’t get me wrong. We need a free and independent press. Their role in society is irrefutable. Maybe more so than a police force. And most importantly, the a professional press—one that questions vague, motherhood statements of their on-air interviews; that challenges their sources to provide evidence on claims before publishing; that can practice self-restraint, even for the sake of self-restraint—is one of the stoutest legs of a true democracy.

But that night, our press were just like the police, confused, excited, weak in the knees. And just like the police, they should be held accountable for participating in a crime scene, and unwittingly playing the mouthpiece, and the eyes and ears of a cop gone rogue.

"The people do have a right to know," which is why I protest the role of the media in the August 23 hijacking, and the plans by Terry Jones to burn the Muslims' holy book.

Because while the press is so adamant and well-versed in their right to deliver the news without fear nor favor, I now wonder whether it ever crosses their minds whether they should.

Screw it. Let's just not hold elections.

2010-02-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

Despite record confidence in PGMA’s administration and praise for moving heaven and earth to secure the upcoming vote, the commander-in-chief, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, cautioned the public that "I'm worried" over poll automation, adding "maybe it's [elections] just not worth it." Throwing her hands up in a gesture of dismay and absolute dejection, she said "Elections will fail, and there's nothing we can do to avert that outcome."

Little less than 100 days before the May 12 national polls, all systems are grinding to a spectacular halt now that there is no safeguarding one of the most potent manifestations of democracy. "We have spent every bit of political capital, manpower, and pork-barrel funds in our efforts." she said, "I even banned my Dato and Mikey from playing counter strike [to free up government server space]. Nothing has worked. But in retrospect, I’m glad we bent over backwards, because now it’s easier to kiss our own asses goodbye."

The public has seen nothing except the valiant efforts of the administration to secure worldwide confidence. COMELEC even hired IT technicians from Brazil, posing as sexy models who could regularly be found in Tabu Tuesdays, while actually programming code on their cell phones. House representatives also brokered a landmark deal with DND and PNP officials in their home provinces to dismantle their private armies, in an effort to preserve the atmosphere of order and trust. [Valentine's Day Update: After Q.C. Councilor hopeful Ara Mina's declaration to be "For" private armies on Mo Twister's show on local cable channel ANC, I.M.O, national officials have reversed their decree, reinstating the priority of accumulating guns, goons, and gold. However, now, they are to be referred to as "For" Aramina's Privates. Asked to comment, host Mo Twister stated "RE:IMO EP15- A.M. VS. P.A., IMHO, STFU!1 PWNED LOLZ. BRB" ]

But the kitchen sink was officially thrown in with the importation of retired computer guru, Bill Gates, former Chairman of Microsoft and founder of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. "When I first arrived in 2007, I was sure that we could do it. We had so long to prepare. And we were on track all the way until this weekend," a visibly exhausted Bill Gates said. "Now I have this eye twitch because I was staring at the computer screen for hours. I've never worked so hard in my life. But we—I—blew it.”

Gates has been working alongside COMELEC Chairman Melo in guaranteeing the information management systems, as well as clearing installing firewalls in all BIR computers that block facebook applications, particularly, the wildly popular Farmville.

He has even been helped out as Deputy Press Secretary for Mrs Arroyo, since the death of Cerge Remonde last week. "[N]ot that she needed the credibility...everyone trusts her. But she wanted you to know that all is lost. It’s up to God now to reveal who should be mandated to be the President.” Gates said, reading from a prepared script. “And, if God says it will be some sort of ‘minister’ or 'ministress' in some ‘prime’ function, then so be it."

Gates then went off script, speaking from the heart."Think about it," he went on, "since G-Lo [Arroyo’s rap handle] was swept to power extra-constitutionally in 2001, she has been hands-on in fortifying the credibility of ‘one Filipino, one vote.’ She wants her legacy to be that of a transparent leader and one who will graciously step aside when the time comes. Unfortunately, June 30, 2010 might as well be three Sundays ago. It's off."

Gloria went on the record this weekend, touting her record of smooth transitions of power and paying for a correction in her massive "Then and Now" advertising campaign. "In all branches of government," the ad reads, "we have seen improvement in the lives of Filipinos. Except for the COMELEC. It was much better in 2004 when I trusted those who were counting the votes. What a waste of money these new jagoffs was."

In front of Palace reporters, she was more restrained, blunting the tone of the print ads. “You know the evidence; I was so hands-on in 2004; I personally managed the election progress and peacefully and fairly transferred power from myself to my successor and incumbent, also me.
“I could have stopped there, but I didn't." she said, breaking down and sobbing, "I could have left my legacy at the Hello Garci expose of my good management skills, but I really, really wanted show my power in creating trust and to cleanse the image of elections in the country for all eternity."

She referred to her repeated calls to the COMELEC Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano to safeguard democracy. When recordings of the phone conversation were leaked to the public, the former president/president-elect accepted the praise that went along with it, but in a surprise turn of events in a 2005 speech, apologized.

"I made an oath," the president said from Malacanang at the time, "to make the ‘04 elections Super-Secure. Unfortunately, ambition got the better of me, and I was only able to bring this 2004 election to the level of Very Secure. Therefore, this victory of mine is as empty as the FPJ influence in Maguindanao. Mea culpa."

Following that speech, the political backlash brought her 100% SWS approval ratings to a record-low 99.99%, and she has never looked back in her quest for fair elections since. She passed an Supreme Executive Order and raised the level of expectations for the automated elections to 'Ludicrously Secure.'

Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, speaking for once on national-security issues that didn't have masa appeal, also weighed in. "Though the masses won't notice the effects, it is sad that the president will not sleep soundly tonight, knowing that her citizens' constitutionally guaranteed right to counted votes is now in doubt," he said. “I’m a lawyer, I know how to win. I was the oppressive architect of Martial Law, probably the most reviled of all of Marcos’ cronies,” he chuckled like lolo talking about slavery and prima nocte, “and I still won. But this automation…this is impossible. It's like the load that disappeared from my cell. What is that? And sometimes, when I call my nephew, I hear a song playing? Why? Disappearing load yata 'yon eh. Ano na ba ang presyo ng kuryente?"

Of course, the most seriously affected by this development are the thousands of candidates who are campaigning in earnest across the country. In a rare show of solidarity, all 21,000 of them issued a joint statement, read by constitutional framer Fr Joaquin Bernas, SJ.

“As Filipinos, we know what it means to try our hardest, and cooperate to achieve the most impossible goals. But in an event as important as this, failure is not an option. Therefore, let’s spare ourselves the inevitable heartbreak and just stay home on May 12. If you happen to vote, be sure to voice your complaints if your candidate doesn’t win. That probably means that you were cheated, the machines were compromised, or blackouts struck at the most inconvenient time for the election period. And,” he added, “there is still the possibility that the ghost of Fernando Poe Jr. is haunting our servers.”

Goodness!

2010-01-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

Gilbert Teodoro was asked in the recent DLSU debates what the extent of his gratitude was towards the thief-in-chief, to which he replied, “Utang na loob means paying goodness with goodness."

And I say unto you sir, if the people of the Philippines show enough goodness to elect you president, their goodness should be first on your list of debts to repay. Unless you are a complete tuta, your loyalty is to the Philippine people. When you were DND Secretary, as you are running for President, and even when you fade from the public's attention like the hazy Manila sky at sundown, your loyalty is to 92 million Filipinos, not to GMA.

“If you are given goodness, you pay back with goodness." Your words, sir. Don't ever forget.

Straight Shooter? More Like Quick Draw Believer

2009-12-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

“Shooting Straight” is a column written by Valeriano Avila in The Freeman, a newspaper out of Cebu. “Shooting Straight” also appears in The Philippine Star under the name Bobit S Avila.

In his Freeman article (Dec 1, 2009) Mr Avila asks in his headline, “About that Facebook survey: Is it credible?” He is referring to the mock election being run by the Facebook App Election2010 that has run three rounds of polls with a fourth underway.

(For those unfamiliar with the term App, it’s short for Application Software that is nested in a computer program to assist the user in a task, in this case, creating instant voting in the Facebook program. Facebook, Inc. did not develop the Election2010 App. In fact, almost all of the Apps on Facebook are created by third parties—developers from outside Facebook; a concept that seems to elude Mr Avila, with comments like “Facebook came up with a third survey” when he should be crediting the developers of the Election2010 App.)

The results of the online poll seem to have a big impression on Mr Avila ever since he listened to almost-presidential candidate Chiz Escudero more than two months ago. Based on US President Obama’s success, Senator Escudero reportedly said, Facebook and Twitter results were more believable than SWS or Pulse Asia polls. But then-Senator Obama didn’t just read the results of one online poll. And this is the only target of Mr Avila’s focus; a Facebook poll at that. The internet deserves better representation, especially since online success relies on 1) a broad, integrated presence online with a single-minded message, and 2) converting passive internet users into active brand champions on- and offline, and not just on a single set of mock election results.

Despite the New Media Marketing 101 course outline, Mr Avila gives the mock elections by Election2010 his full, sophomoric endorsement on its veracity and impartiality.

There was a survey that was totally fair because it wasn’t done by the politicians or their PR agencies, nor was money spent to collate this information. The latest Facebook mock survey covering the period Nov.23-29. Gilbert Teodoro bagged 58% of the votes, Noynoy Aquino bagged 31.76%, Manny Villar got 7.10%, while former Pres. Joseph “Erap” Estrada got 1.1%. The first two Facebook mock surveys showed Noynoy was leading the race.

- Straight Shooter (The Freeman), via www.philstar.com Updated December 01, 2009

While the Election2010 mock poll could in fact be “totally fair”—conducted without bias or rigging it—the methodology is up in the air. This is where SWS and Pulse Asia surveys are a great, reliable resource; each survey result has details on sample size, age, and methodology for getting the information, not to mention complete transparency with regard to commissioner, or exclusivity or first rights to publish.

The Election2010 poll has none of these. Nobody went out to find respondents. The respondents may have found it by search, accident, or by referral. Because of this uncertainty, the trending in Gibo’s favor is not clear. Was it due to comments by any candidate? Did the Gibo machinery mobilize supporters to find that App and vote? Is there a margin of error, in the case of mistaken identity or accidental answering?

None of these possible causes are more or less improbable than the other, if at all. Neither are they unethical or underhanded since its credibility is far from established. But without Mr Avila’s discerning its methodology, and to then proclaim it to be “totally fair” is naïve and irresponsible as a journalist.

What’s more, Mr Avila published a similar article, this time in the Philippine Star, “A look at the surveys done by Facebook.” It is difficult to see that he is referencing the same poll, as in the Philippine Star article, the poll period has changed from Nov. 23-29 to Nov. 20-30. The poll results also changed, and so did his tone, saying instead that the “mock surveys of Facebook have become a counter balancer to the pollsters surveying voters in this country.”

Not only is he lacking with background facts, but the facts that he does have are not as straight as his column name suggests.

Apparently, Facebook came up with a third mock survey for Nov. 20-30th and lo and behold, Lakas-Kampi Presidential bet, Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro, Jr. bagged a significant 58.69% lead over Noynoy who bagged 31.90%. This was followed by Sen. Manny Villar at 5.80%, Erap at 1.45%. Now should we believe in the Facebook survey? Perhaps those batting for Noynoy would no longer believe it as he has slid down from the top.

- Straight Shooter (The Philippine Star) via www.philstar.com Updated December 02, 2009

Clearly, his goal is single-minded agreement with Chiz’s two month-old Quixotism, “Facebook or Twitter is a better sampling than our present crop of pollsters.”

So if Facebook or Twitter is indeed a better sampling mechanism, it is important to look at similar indicators evident on these social networking sites. As of December 1, 2009, Noynoy’s Official Facebook “Politician Page” has 110,679 supporters as compared to Gibo’s 8,950 fans. Chiz’s Facebook Politician Page has almost the same number as Manny Villar’s page at just around 39,000.

On Twitter, the short messaging service online, Noynoy has 22,045 followers while Gibo has 5,105. At the same time, according to internet analytics, Noynoy is collecting more followers at a 2:1 ratio when compared to new followers of Gibo.

Even Senator Mar Roxas, Liberal Party candidate for vice-president, has more followers than Gibo, with 23,366.

In summary, Mr Avila is creating great, albeit negative press for Gibo’s success on this “Facebook survey” as he repeatedly calls it. And while the Arroyo-backed candidate is improving his online presence, the bigger picture, backed by solid and self-evident statistics, shows Noynoy with a commanding lead in terms of fans, supporters, and followers in this multi-dimensional field called social media or new media. And in spite of Noynoy’s early lead among Facebook and Twitter users, there is no indication that his snowballing popularity will slow, as week-on-week incremental numbers show.

On the surface, Mr Avila postures with healthy, journalistic skepticism in both of his articles. However, the straight shooting “skeptic” gets converted to “believer” in a quick draw, and that is the product of a lack of investigation, lack of hunger for facts, and lack of critical analysis.

Right away, Madam Congresswoman

2009-12-03T21:37:00.000-08:00

The Weight of the World

2009-11-25T07:01:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite ad campaigns of all time is the Dove CampaignforRealBeauty.com. The website features real girls with real issues about their self-esteem. It claims that 92% of females surveyed have something to hypothetically change in their appearance, and 35% of the time, it’s their weight.

When I first saw the poster of six scantily-clad women, I realized that something didn’t fit. The women on the poster weren’t the typical Victoria’s Secret models that I’m accustomed to one day dating. For starters, some of them were black. But the next thing that I noticed was that they were bigger. As an equal opportunist for beautiful, confident women of all colors and sizes, this was a huge turn on. And to this day, I talk about it as if it changed my life. Because it did. (My advertising life, at least.)

Today, there’s a thriving industry selling plus-sized fashion. But for that year, 2006, that these women weren’t wearing dark colors or vertical stripes, or anything at all but white bras and panties, it was, figuratively, tits. These were real women with real curves. And they were sexy.

That campaign went on to sweep the world with billboards proclaiming wrinkles as wonderful, freckles to be flawless, and a youtube video that has gotten millions of hits from men and women of all shapes and sizes, including aspiring art directors who needed a quick photoshop tutorial.

It was, and still is a caring, heartfelt marketing effort by Dove, a brand that is—surprisingly—still in the business of selling dirt-removing soap, moisturizing cream, and exfoliant. Their mantra of ‘be yourself and love yourself’ apparently has limits on how yourself you can actually be.

Thus, I was thrilled when I started watching the reality TV show The Biggest Loser. As a humanitarian that abstains from eating humans, I found the intense workouts and the punishing regimens by the contestants to be so inspiring, even my eyeballs were sweating by the season finale. I wasn’t crying. No, I save my tears for real emergencies. Like saving a nail from getting hit by a hammer.

Finally, someone took the Dove campaign to the next level. Finally, there was a place for dangerously obese men and women on television, aside from Queens, NY; a plus-sized niche on prime time that was raking in the low-cal, high-fiber ad dollars.

The Dove campaign was great, despite controversial leaks that the six women in their underwear did indeed get some airbrushing of their own. However, I think that The Biggest Loser really takes the cake as to what entertainment and advertising should be. This show goes above and beyond the typical marketing strategy of putting "good-looking" people on air, because I’ve seen the contestants in the finale at their thinnest and fittest, and they’re not drop-dead gorgeous. But they are beautiful, as I think all women are, and should acknowledge in themselves. On another TV breakthrough, the producers didn’t introduce a teenage vampire mid-season, and there is no laugh track. True, there is the element of alliances and voting off of dieters, a disregard of success or failure in the simple objective of the game. But while as in life, it doesn’t follow that we should like the best, the smartest, or the richest we are surrounded with, we can and should always help the ones we do like to succeed as much as we can.

The Biggest Loser is so revolutionary in the way it goes beyond the two benchmarks of success in the freakfest we call cable entertainment; product placement and Nielsen ratings. Last I saw, it was just Jell-O and 24-Hour Fitness that was prominently displayed. This show is all about rejecting reality; by the contestants, and the norms of beauty in a society. They reject being at risk of weight-related illnesses, skipping parties and doctor’s appointments (stuff you learn from the Dove website) and supplant it with the brilliance of a TV show producer’s vision, and hundreds of thousands of US dollars. It is oozing with high-minded, transformative qualities that the Dove company couldn’t possibly turn into moisturizing gravy, even if they were run by the Nazi fourth Reich.

With the biggest contest on Earth coming to Asia, I can’t wait for the fervor of health and wealth to sweep the continent. But most importantly, I can’t wait for the conversations to start in households, amongst couples, and in the minds of youngsters who are at risk of living a life of obesity. There is no taboo in being overweight, only in bringing it up. The elephant in the room is not the pants that need four hands to zip it up. It’s in our inability to call a spade a spade.

Dove did a marvelous thing by calling a spade a real, beautiful spade. But nothing compares to seeing a bunch of hopeful, honest, fat people at an audition shouting out, “I’m The Biggest Loser!”

Celebrating the Crisis - Because floods just don't celebrate themselves

2009-11-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

In early October 2009, mild-mannered typhoon Ondoy limped onto Philippine soil, only to unload the largest rainfall in the shortest time ever in these here lands. Two weeks later, the Direct Marketing Association of New York awards the Silver International ECHO to Wikreate (my agency in the US) for our 2008 Celebrate the Crisis party, seen here.

The message of the party was "All-hands-brace-for-economic-impact" cum "Just-keep-swimming." One year, and half a world away, the message of finding the positive, constructive, and divine in the most punishing of acts of God still holds true. Typhoon Ondoy brought snakes, rats, and crocs out of hiding and among the Philippine people, and that's just politicians handing relief goods for the cameras. In the end, Filipinos found more than one reason to celebrate. Closer to 93 million, actually.

The effort to save each other with cooperation showed the best in us. Donations poured in and assembly lines and relief brigades spread the wealth with breathless passion. Bloggers quarterbacked the efforts in some instances, blowing the whistle at government ignorant of underserved areas, warehouses that were brimming with untouched goods, and feeding the spectating netizens with SMS reports from the ground.

For a while--and for a reason--you could track the ebb and tide of the Filipinos' blood, undulating uniformly across thousands of square kilometers of world. Some were wet. Some were dry. Some were celebrating the triumph of man.

I know I was.

Hues With Me?

2009-01-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

Foreword: Bayani Fernando aka BF has used pink to paint footbridges, bus corrals, and public urinals for high visibility. As urban legend has it, he uses pink and blue because they are his and his wife's favorite colors.

The Inquirer today printed a short editorial, calling for the rethink of pink. It seems after six-odd years of Bayani Fernando’s use of the color and one “left-leaning,” "pinko" request in congress for an formal inquiry into the matter, the Inquirer now thinks that the MMDA should reverse itself and cease and desist the use of pink.

The Inquirer Editors' rationale?

“Pink is a color commonly associated with femininity. Thus, a baby girl wears pink, a boy, blue. Soft pinks are associated with romance and the blush of a young woman’s cheeks.”

It blathers on about ribbons, breast cancer, and the pink triangle as a marker for GLBTs. In closing, the editorial argues against the color, “not only mar[ring] the city’s landscape but also violat[ing] local and international regulations on signs and signals. We agree. If compliance and discipline is the objective, why not use a more assertive color like blue?”

Color, and its power of persuasion, dear editors, is in the eye of the beholder. I fail to see the direct connection between civic and legal compliance by Filipinos and local or international color schemes. Let me edit myself: I fail to see Filipinos complying with Bawal Umihi Dito (No Pissing Here), the Ten Commandments, and less divine regulations, laws, presidential decrees, rules on decency, morality, and mea culpa, brevity.

But you, dear male editors, may be color blind, making your black and white assessment so easy to make. I, for one, am bemused but thrilled by BF’s work and his colorful attitude. I have heard many stories about the Chair’s behavior and off-color remarks during meetings, and the impression that I get is that Bayani Fernando has a vision, unlike other so-called public servants. His vision is, as you put it, “compliance and discipline” and its execution is steeled in the same. The medium is the message, as they say in communications.

Political will, to all you primary-color minded morons, comes in all hues and saturations. And while red means stop and green means go (except when Makati Mayor "Joblackma" Binay has the lights blink yellow to—in a twist of logic—chromatically remind you who is in charge) there seems to be no precedent for the color pink. Chalk it up to an “Onli in da Pillipins” thing. Paint it any way you like, but judge on merit, and not on unrelated, sexist classification, or the grey non-issue of fences, or the festering (but, apparently relaxing) green of political envy. Bayani Fernanado has done more for Metro Manila than all the black, brown, and white mayors, congressmen, and barangay chairs in his jurisdiction, combined.

One man finally has the audacity to take a stand, both on a color and on a blushing topic like Filipinos’ lack of discipline when no one is watching, and all you can think about is homosexuals and nursery rhymes? Way to think, pink.

(Now, should he run for president? That's another story altogether.)

Related article:
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/metro/view/20090105-181537/MMDA-chief-tickled-pink-by-fence-critics

Why is Ka Noli so silent?

2008-12-03T16:17:00.000-08:00

Another journalist has been gunned down in my country, this time a radio announcer from Samar. This brings to eight the count of dead journalists in this year, and 60 since Mrs Arroyo assumed power.

We, as Filipino citizens, have a responsibility to hear, see, and feel this as a grave threat against our basic freedoms.

Please, please, PLEASE email Ka Noli de Castro, our "Working Vice-President," and plead with him to speak out against these killings.

Go to Open Letter to VP de Castro and copy, edit, and send it to the feedback section of the Office of the Vice President.

Spread the word about those who speak for thousands.

Protect those who seek out information and alert the world.

Stand up for those who have god-given courage, skill, and temerity to bring you your news.

Our journalists may not always cover the things that we are most interested in. We may disagree with their views or even ridicule them for the way that they dispense them. But we cannot, as a free nation, tolerate their harassment or violent treatment, nor can we abide the inaction by local and national government in bringing the killers and the masterminds even within earshot of justice.

Take action. Email Ka Noli de Castro, and ask him to speak out against these killings and for him to take action, too.

Go to Open Letter to VP de Castro and copy it, edit it, and send it to our "Working Vice-President." (http://www.ovp.gov.ph)

You can also scroll down my notes here on FB to find the same letter. This is a simple act that can affect us all. God knows, killing journalists is already changing our nation into the second most dangerous place for journalists, only after Iraq.

For the record, please leave a comment here so that people can see that we don't turn deaf ears and blind eyes to these crimes. Feel free to post this on your FB page or wherever.

As a writer, I thank you. - Carlos

RTR 08 - WEB POSTER

2008-12-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

Link

Solb na ang transpo

RTR 08 - WEB POSTER

2008-12-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

Link

Solb na ang transpo

0-1-0

2008-11-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

Fundamentally, every digital device as we know it is created from binary code, 0/1, which really means On/Off or closed-/open-circuit. This is in tangent to the article on NSA encryption reevaluation that I just read, but as I was fascinated by it, I remembered all the times that I realize that I have no idea how the world works. We've built such a comfortable sconce of things, mechanical marvels and angels pirouetting on microchips, machines that service machines, and pulsating energy, mere information! that actually forms virtual things—quite literally unclaspable facsimiles, concepts held over from our recent history and obsolete memory; of pen and ink, fire and stone, oral history, music, and life with yet uninspired, insinuated lungs.

That we have technologies literally built one on top of the other like some haphazard, damn-the-future-archaeolog

ists-who-will-root-through-this-for-their-PhD-on-some-digital-genealogy-course way is simply stunning.

(I read another article on a new search engine that is trying to one-up—or down—google etc by accepting loooooooong strings of text to find specific articles. Apparently, the google search system has loopholes in that it has a 32-keyword limit, it finds data based on popularity, and others, all of which—according to the creators of this new technology—only fetches 1% of all internet content. Therefore, there is a hundred times more internet than we lay people imagine or have come in contact with. The concept of this search is called deepdyve. )

While I abhor the use of "literally" when people oft mean "virtually," or "metaphorically speaking," or "exaggeratingly yours, Helen," we are at the cooling point of the melding universe of our creation. "Virtual" and "real" are solidifying, the duality is such that floating bits of information can be shooed away and stirred to life like phosphorescent plankton displaying its utmost fragility.

I made a prediction in front of a Facebook worker in Cafe Bean on Sutter St: the next major terrorist attack won't be an A-bomb in a football stadium parking lot during halftime. It will be digital, maybe an EMP, it will decimate our digital lives, and for a second, everyone will stop, tap their mouses, try to scroll, reboot, and give up. Some will give up. Some will inevitably make new stuff up from a DOS floppy disk that he saved and framed for nostalgic purposes. I guess that's why we should all keep a hammer handy.

Hoy! Gising!

2008-11-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

Another journalist slain brings up the number of deaths since GMA's 2001 ascendance to the presidency to 54. (Click to read the The Age article.)

As grievous a loss of precious life as this is, this is more alarming when we see that the Philippines is the most dangerous place to work as a journalist, second only to Iraq.

These are not victims of bad spelling, punctuation, or mixed metaphors. These, almost to a victim, are reported to be critical of the rampant, RAMPANT corruption in the Philippines.

Let it be known that Vice President Noli de Castro was one of the most popular news anchorpersons in the Philippines since press freedom was reinstituted after the fall of the Marcos dictatorship.

What does the Veep have to say about this? He had a TV show, "Hoy Gising!" which means, "Hey! Wake Up!" which exposed ineffective governance. I used to watch this a LOT growing up and I know that most Filipinos did, too.

And now, no one can sound the call to government leaders and concerned citizenry alike, not only because they are dead, but because they are being terrorized to death. Contact VP Noli "Kabayan" de Castro ("countryman") to urge him to publicly comment on this and take steps to find the murderers of his fallen colleagues.

Copy, edit, and paste the letter below and visit http://www.ovp.gov.ph/ to send "the working vice president" a Hoy! Gising! email.

=======letter begins=======

Dear Kabayan, Vice President Noli de Castro,

Throughout the years, we have looked up to you as a patriot and a voice for us all who suffered the slow movement of justice and progress. As a young man, you joined DWWW in an era when it was heroic to simply wear the press badge, and it was unthinkable to speak out and stand up against the strangling administration of Marcos and his cronies.

Years later, after a fruitful period of liberty and nationalism, you became the golden voice of Filipino news.

Your run for the Senate (as an independent, a lone voice amidst the machinery of vote-buying and election swindling) you were supported by 16 million Filipinos when you ran for Senator.

When you won, you authored Senate Bill No. 2029 or the "Local Government Transparency Act" which aimed to end corruption through transparency measures in the local government units.

Today, your responsibilities include looking out for OFWs and the working class' housing opportunities and more as Head of the National Price Coordinating Council.

But what we need now, Kabayan Vice President, is help in securing press freedom and vigilance against corruption and poor governance, as you once did in your days with DZMM and ABSCBN. The Philippines ranks the highest in journalist deaths, second only to a war zone, Iraq. Surely, you remember the fear of retribution when you uncovered and reported on irregularities and inaction in your time as the most popular and influential newsman in the Philippines.

We need your voice and your action again today to stop the violence against journalists who are alerting our countrymen to the misdeeds of our elected officials. Please make a statement denouncing these killings and intimidation of the greatest symbol of our liberty, the right to free speech.

Your historic Senate Bill 2029 will be useless if the transparency you advocated will be overshadowed by fear and stained with the blood of your fallen colleagues. Please act on their behalf, as they have acted on the behalf of the Filipino people.

Sincerely,
Your name here

====letter ends=====

Copy, edit, and paste this onto the comment field on http://www.ovp.gov.ph/

"Evil prevails when good men do nothing."

An OpenLetter2.0 to ABS-CBN (A Philippine News Organization)

2008-11-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

An OpenLetter2.0 is a letter that you can copy, edit, and send to the prescribed recipients to add your voice to the content of the letter. By swarming the recipient with the same letter or sentiment, we can show that we are watching, thinking, and acting.

Carlos

=======letter begins==========

Please stop comparing Jojo Binay (or any aspirant-du-jour) to Barack Obama. Obama is an outsider who is promising change in business-as-usual Washington. Binay has used his wife and, sure enough, his son to get around term limits and perpetuate his hold on Makati. Makati, despite being the highest revenue earning city in the Philippines, is still Manila-as-usual with undisciplined policemen, traffic enforcers, and PUV drivers. If not for Ayala's high property values and the trickling down from Binay's "pro-poor" projects, he would have been voted out a long time ago.

send to: feedback@abs-cbnnews.com

Abstinence As An Option

2008-11-15T02:24:00.000-08:00

Prop 8, California's vote on whether 'marriage' can be applied to couples of the same sex, should never have been put on the ballot. Again: since when has life and love been something to debate? It is indeed a cruel world thrust upon our generation—and generations before—where we align ourselves on the death penalty, abortion, and now, same-sex marriage upon such a simplistic Either/Or tableau.

What is on the ballot IS NOT, "Do mothers have the right to kill their unborn child?"

It IS NOT, "Is homosexuality deviant and therefore an affront to what 'marriage' or 'family' is?"

It IS NOT, "Does a heinous crime warrant the ultimate punishment?"

What IS on the ballot is fear, mistrust, intolerance, an insecurity that society will not support ME when my life is in others' hands.

If you voted, whether 'yea' or 'nay', the fact that our capacity as humans to show compassion and solidarity is defined by a show of hands is an indictment of us all. We will point fingers long after any decision is made, because a decision was foolishly required.

California should have abstained on this. Unfortunately, the excitement that "my vote" really mattered in a historic election bubbled over into a giddiness that overlooked voters' ability to—in case of defeat—accept the democratic outcome. After all, you could practically hear the marching band on Election Day playing "If God Be With Us, Who Can Be Against Us?"

This is one case where snubbing the ballot would have drummed just as loudly, if not louder.

The Bearer of News

2006-12-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Calling

2006-12-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

I've found my muse in a new blog site, myspace.com/blarmey.

My new blog is there. I aim to see what I have here and transfer some over there if it's worthy at all in retrospect.

If you want to check out my music (rough, few, but heartfelt and true) please check out myspace.com/carlosgarch.

Then add me as a friend. I need more guy friends so that girls will like me for who I am, not because I am a pimp who brings her money.

Great Scot!

2006-11-21T12:30:00.000-08:00

He speaky Engrish funniree.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=1246270671

Goodbye Hello Goodbye

2006-11-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

Nothing in this world is meant to last. Not silence; nor pain; nor the rush of a drug that smoothes all kinks in the fabric of life.

It's Friday today. Interesting. A hot muggy day. Not much different from Manila. Except I am in San Francisco with a computer in an office overlooking the bay. It's 10:13 am and cloudy as hell outside and empty inside with exception to the painting students that randomly go in and out of the studio across the hall and Ted Roberts, online coordinator for the Advertising Department, whom I beat this morning to be the first in.

It's been 2 and a half months now since I left a beautiful one-bedroom on Polk St.--a long road that runs the length of San Francisco's social spectrum. Things haven't changed much from me. Still quietly haunting the streets of the city by the bay with my long hair unshaven face and eyes hidden behind sunglasses even when the sun don't shine.

Well, I have moved into a new apartment. Much smaller. A little more expensive. Cozier but lonelier in the midst of crackdealers, whores, and lunatics. A little piece of hell that is kept at bay by two steel gates.

Still, I am as isolated today as I ever was. Without the internet or television or radio, I am left to my own devices, playing the guitar, recording music, writing songs about my melancholy waiting for the day that I can write about how good my life is and how happy I would be to share this with someone or someones.

Ah, bullshit. Nothing ever changes. I've never been in a relationship more than 6 months except for once, and that was interrupted by a flight to America, where my destiny was written in making commercials. Selling things, ideas, and motivations to people is hard, but very rewarding when done well. It doesn't have to be a soulless job. After all, you can get people to act positively, support causes, even support corporations that have causes so that you can act through them if you are too busy or too self-consumed.

2006-04-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Nope. Never did.

The Finger

2006-04-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hey all.

I want to break the notion that I only have things to say on this blog when things go wrong or when I am being persecuted by peons of agencies like "HRP". (Honestly, I thought that HRP meant either Human Resources / Personnel--or Honey, I Ripped My Pants, I'm not a very good spellar, you see.)

Well, if you MUST know, I'm still being persecuted, mostly by the front covers of Sports Illustrated who non-stop whisper things about me to the brides-to-be on the wedding magazines.

But my publicist (played by the man who lives in Fozzie Bear's finger) and HIS intern (played by the woman who lives OUTSIDE of Fozzie Bear's finger) each gave me a great idea.

The first was to throw away the alfalfa sprouts that had been in the fridge for far too long.

The second, though not as urgent as the first, was to post my advertising work on my blog. So that unlike *some* people, *I* have something to prove I exist. Because why would someone go on to create a fictitious person to create bad ads? While some bad advertisers ought to spend the rest of their days thinking about their careers, and whether they spelled spankalicious right or not (who, after all, does one consult when spelling of the word spankalicious?), I have more extroverted shameless self-promotion to do. Well, lucky for me, the woman who lives outside of Fozzie Bear's finger showed me the light, and told me there were no Es in spankalicious. Saving me the embarrassment and a mean bout with salmonella.

So this post is dedicated to the boys in blue who make up the characters in the "new" show, The Shield.

An awesome cast and great writing about a police district in crime-, gang-, drug-filled Farmington, Los Angeles. The temptation to steal, protect druglords, and be on the take for these characters is too great, especially when the lines of morality are blurred by the rising vapors of everyday life and the face-to-face enounters with death.

It's Not the Pale Moon That Excites Me

2006-04-07T00:52:00.000-07:00

It was something like 25 days of rain that San Franciscans endured. Some say that this might be a Buiness Book of World Records record. Either that, or the Start Of Something Big.

But! Today was different. The sun shone from the instant I saw the yellow pavement. No, that was not a dog and its peenmanship. It was a humid morning. San Franciscans must have been ecstatic. You know how I know? Because I got this flattering email that I will print verbatim:

April 4

XXXXXXXXX (Harper's name withheld to protect his/her real identity)

Hey!

Making a list of the advertising department at the
academy. If you know someone who's name isn't on this,
please send it over or forward them this email. Puting
together a list for everyone's records. Will send out
a final email when the list is complete.

Blithe

p.s. I hope no one takes advantage of this list and
starts sending spam. just ad stuff please!

(OKAY, innocent enough. But what if it's a spammer? I (Carlos) choose to be on the cautious side)

Apr 5 (2 days ago)

Who are you and what is this for aside from a list "for everyone's records"? And for whom do you work?

(Sure, a bit standoffish. But who sends emails with the intention of getting this forwarded to multiples and chooses to start it with "Hey!", with poor spellchecking, and lowercase starts of sentences? Anyway, it gets better obviously.

Harper Blithe
to me

Apr 6

Oh yeah, I heard about you. Don't worry, I'm removing
you from the list. Everyone happily obliged. You
didn't. Typical.

(Ouchie! What the heck was that? Did I miss something? Well, obviously, the reputation precedes the man, but wow! I got slammed. Meanwhile, some girl thinks the email list is a great idea, and uses the email addresses to get some collaboration on a project of hers. Kudos, Harper! I, on the other hand, prepare my salvo.)

Carlos Garchitorena
to Harper, (bcc:alaushman), (bcc:aherre) ...
More options 12:32 am (22 minutes ago)
Dear Mr Blithe,

Obviously, you don't listen to what people tell you about me. And what's more, you expect me (and everybody) to happily oblige some mass email from a complete stranger who doesn't bother to clarify matters with a simple "I am so-and-so, and I want to create a network of students who can share creative insight, network, and show off their respective talents in an increasingly competetive world saturated with inane media and a dearth of cooperation--when our only objective is to further the consolidation of art and commerce for the good of Peace, Justice, and the American Way." Instead you admit a huge lack of foresight by including me in your well-meaning but unfortunately uninforming and informal email in which, when pressed for said clarification, you choose to be judgemental, shortsighted, and flatly sarcastic. And guess what? *I've never heard of you*. I'd rather be notorious than unknown. Furthermore, fuck you.

Yours Truly,
Carlos Garchitorena

ps: Attached are some screen shots re: your interesting name. Fitting.

pps: Anyone looking for a copywriter? email me blarmey@yahoo.com. About me: in need of intelligent discourse when brainstorming; I like: challenging briefs, concepts and consumer insight to reflect my fascination for "Eh?...Ahhhhh!" advertisements; my fave campaigns: the Economist, Comcastic, and my personal favorite, hybridcenter.org; when critiqueing/brainstorming, I will: 1) give it to you straight, 2) will never say "no", 3) will not stop at a mediocre idea; willing to teach and learn, but only in equal portions.

(Of course, true to form, I fail to attach the said picture files, but needless to say, the dictionary definitions of Harper Blithe are less-than-flattering.)

END OF COMMUNIQUE

So I will update you on the case of Garchitorena v Blithe.

Waiting In Line: An American's Birthright

2006-04-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

So there I was, hanging out with my sister on her last night in San Francisco in the yuckie...I mean the yuppie hood called the Marina: salvaged land; reclaimed from the bay; doomed to be the first to swim at the first shake; reclaimed by the bay.

Something you have to understand about the place we were in. Not only the area which is pretty much fratboy/gainfully unemployed HQ, but the particular bar. Now there is no reason to flung dung because I think all these places in these areas are filled with those damn yanks (shout out to my pinsan "london") who think that bud light and skeet ball is just so fucking rad, so let's just call the place...hmmm...Mauna Loa to protect the hangout's identity. Cool?

So there's a cute little pool table with a good game...not bad...girl knew how to shoot...needed practice...the guy was doing good until he realized that he wasn't going to be king of the table for long. Some challengers had chalked up on the board and I was waiting for my turn to play.

Thing is, I love a match. Whether I win or lose, it's nice to play, meet folks, and talk shit. Unfortunately, yanks love to wait in line more than actually play. I find it pretty sad that in place of fun and love of the game, people would rather sit a week in the dark for a day in the sun.

America: If God killed you right now, would you rather kiss your own ass good bye while feeling the joy of victory (or the agony of defeat)? Or would you rather die in line, respectable-like, gentrified, and civilized--like cows? Yuckies.

No Free Rides, Howsoever Hip They May Be

2006-03-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

"Want a free* iPod?"

"I swear** this is true."

"My† friend is a lawyer***************** and he says it's true." (No asterisks).

Just recently, I started a huge shitstorm, lashing out at the world at large like a monkey in a cage with a tattered bag full of feces. It all started on a sunny morning in San Francisco...

I woke up to a fresh pot of coffee and a sweet mug and a bowl with some pot. In my terrycloth robe and my Invader Zim Grrrr Slippers, I went to check my email and grab the electronic news. I was distracted momentarily when I made small talk with my neighbor, Lisa, who happened to be online as well. I didn't notice the big bundle that all but stuffed my inbox. 'Twas a forward to about a million people about a DJ I've never heard of, and a party I would be loathe to go, in a country that was as far from my mind as it was from my body.

I have been spammed by strangers. I have been spammed by spambots. I can so easily write off these fuckers and send them to the guardians of the 'net who are slightly subtler, incognito, and ruthlessly efficient than the Spanish Inquisition (Fear and Surprise, at the very least, being their priority).

But when it's people that I know who are trying to sell me Notox Footspa® or a chance to win another chance to be on the mailing list to the pre-qualifying contest, it is very hard to tell people to fuck off whilst setting a good example. So I replied to all and told them, "stop this". Doesn't the wholewideweb know by now that these mass emails and forwards are what unscrupulous marketers (hate them types marketers) use these email lists to harvest email addresses and personal information? Or is that only a fact I made up in my dredged up mind?

Oh, yeah. What triggered this rant after æons of dormancy? click on the link then:

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,70420-0.html?tw=rss.index

2005-09-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

This is my latest artwoork. I was able to get hold of Inseeyah's camera (albeit sneakily, hi-hihihi-hihi!) and took this single light photo of the CLIO award, the highest honor in advertising (which could be construed to mean being the Overlord Satan in the Fiery Pits Of Hell).

This will be sent out to all locally-based agencies in San Francisco as an invite to our school's playing of the CLIO Reel at 491 Post. The evening's secret theme is Hot Damn (tchang-inang init yan!).

It might look like it was really easy to make. And it does. What isn't apparent is the work that a designer has to make so that everything looks and flows as it should.

And when text is added, you have nuance, logic, sense, and a whole lotta letters to love.

"Way, way, down inside/Honey you need ice/ Wanna give you my love/Every inch of my love...Yeah/"

2005-09-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

Would You Like the Sense of Sight?

2005-09-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

Sure there's tons to see
Sex and violence on national TV
With movies and ads telling me
Who I want to be
I'll skip the Last Action Hero's fight
Give up my sense of sight.

The Big Mouse City

2005-09-10T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's easy for the City Mouse in the Big Mouse City to blend in. All he needs to do is grab a suitcase and stop gawking at the tall buildings.

City Mouse in the Big Mouse City

2005-09-09T01:55:00.000-07:00

I nervously thought of how I would ask this girl that I just met. We were talking about Cirque de Soleil at 10 in the morning. She was a fine arts student. I am in advertising.

Outside, the momentary center of our attention, the Cirque freeway billboard stood as it did before we talked about wanting to see it. So I figured I would ask to see her either before or after the show, so that we could talk about it.

I rehearsed it in silence thinking that I had a simple goal. To make a connection with someone who was placed there for me to meet in room 501 even though she was a fine arts student painting on the floor designated for advertising.

It was alright, she had said. She started going to the academy in the advertising department but because she had no time to draw or paint, she was made to choose her true love.

Too much concepting, she had said. What?, I had thought.

All I do is draw and paint (in Photoshop) when making addenda to my concepts. It's called putting flesh on the bone, lady!

Meanwhile, I'm cooking up my vague plan to "meet up with" her "before or after the show...so we could talk about it." I'm such a dork. What was she...15? No, about 21 or 22. But I digress. I should have the balls to strike up conversation AND have the mojo on call. And I can't walk away shaking my head...feeling shot down...not after years of experience and having snagged the prettiest, sexiest, least tameable, stunningly smart, most kwela women IN THE WORLD. And this girl with the swollen lips with the newsboy hat laid low over her brow sent me packin wit nuttin.

It's like highschool, I like to say. What I'm really doing is subconsciously trying to invoke the past...which is like the drug that you reach for in the middle of the night. Clawing at it. Trying to catch enough of the blue smoke that it leaves behind when your hand passes straight through it and it disappears.

Enough of that. I'm not in highschool anymore. I love my work too much to let it get sidetracked by heartache, longing, and daydreaming. So let's draw.

And then it was 12:30. And still

2005-09-08T00:30:00.000-07:00

My Effin D

2005-08-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

This article could also be called My Stupid Mouth, since it was from my mouth after all, that I heard myself habitually pointing out to Unitedstatesans the horrible history they have made. And that they are making. And it has only struck me now...now that my US History Teacher FLUNKED ME with a capital D. All of a sudden I'm self-conscious of how I really find it hard to relate with these descendants of war when all that I can think while they are driving their electric buses down clean fast paced lifeways dotted intermittently with the camouflaged hobo in the perfect San Francisco sun and Western Sea air and beautiful white women with their murdered blonde hair. And I think, you have so much blood on your hands from the bloody money that bought my country and the bloody backs that bore the slavery of blacks. Sunglasses today. ipods tomorrow. Harry Potter and the return of the Cadillac

And I think, even though it's painful and even though it's true, I've just got to say it to you. Because you act like it's not happening. And because of your not acting on its change. And what am I doing? I'm collecting. (Did you know that all machines that take coins in this here city accept peso coins as quarters? Which with the "current exchange rate" at 56:1, the "Change exchange Rate" is 14:1. 'La lang. That's probably how most millionaires from the Philippines make their money. They come to the states with a shitload of pisos and use them to buy all the cans of soda and ride all the buses and trains that they can. It's genius. Can you imagine back to the time that the "public exchange rate" was 2:1? Then we could have used our pisos back then and our currency would have actually been stronger. But only in vending machines, Bart stations, and Muni buses.)

But seriously, there are good things in this world thanks to the 'cans. Like the internet. And um... hmmm.... anyway, the internet {BBC podcast: http://audio.theworld.org/wma/2005/07293.wma} If there is a tool that breaks down barriers, blurs if not erases borders, and raises the questions of an international governing body/bodies, it's the net. It's really ushered in a big way a level of connectedness that G7/G8, or the UN or the WB or the OC in the WC could never do. Kablam. Toto, I don't think we're in the eighties anymore.

Ah, the USofA. Snake oil salesman who went home with the Rotisserie--As Seen On TV! "You live by the packaging; you die by the packaging." That should be on the lips of every environmentalist in the world. There's no doubt. This is a throwaway plastic society. Recyclable and with a V8 engine... I swear, look at your life. Doesn't matter where you are. In my life, at least, the scariest toys in the world say MADE IN THE USA. Bein a good little Indian.

Running Late

2005-08-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

On a normal day at this time, I'm toweling down (or is it up? depends which body part we're speaking of) but instead I start with art.

Before we forget completely

2005-08-23T01:02:00.001-07:00

Agosto 21, 1983
Pinatay siya bago makatapak muli sa lupang sinilangan.

Benigno 'Ninoy' Aquino
His words made liars run in every direction.

Photo Courtesy: http://www.henkelsandmccoy.com/corporate/timeline/images/83NinoyAquino.jpg

The Kiss

2005-08-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

I wish

2005-08-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

When you see me making a wish, do you try to guess what I am wishing?

Well, I wish you wouldn't. Because then you would know that behind that penerating gaze is a shell--thin as a veil and empty as hell.

Catching floating flowers and releasing them on bonds payable next to never; crossing locomotive tracks with a singe stride; a candle on a cake; an eyelash.

Today--what remains of it--the memory of a week and sixty years comes and goes in a flash and the bang of a atomic bomb's mushroom cloud flattening a city and burdening a generation with the evils of their lords and mighty ones; warmongers and Presidents.

This week, I've been listening to the Technology Podcasts of Clark Boyd, BBC in Boston. This week, I've been listening to the accounts of the survivors, the memories that have only in this day and age surfaced. The memories interpreted are like my own. They are now my own.

I live very close to Japantown. In fact, I pass it everyday. Twice.

If I wished a wish, it would be never to hear a word said in anger again. Never to have a word said in anger laid in a fertile mind whereby only hurt and pain would grow. Never to have an idea of hate escalate into violence.

To those who have looked and found nothing new in this space, I apologize. I know what it feels like. I've been visiting stagnating blogs myself. Erch.

But I've also been busying myself with a new original song that I've been composing. An old one. Wrote it in 1999 in CDO. "Mercy me, is that a skyscraper I see lying on the ground?..."

You'll hear it soon enough.

Prepostrophe S

2005-08-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Northern Americans (aka Unitedstatesans),

"Dick's car is red." -- correct
"My friends are all loser's." -- wrong
"The cabin's interior smelled of juniper." -- correct
"I don't like to read book's." -- wrong
"That's entertainment!" -- correct
"It's howl was heard for miles" -- wrong

How, on the other hand, the prepostrophe S finds its way into certain nouns and pronouns based on a clearly guidelined rule of possessive nouns and contractions is beyond me.

I feel like The Oakland baseball team once owned something...but no one knows since it was jacked and they know where you live.

When I see an ad for Adult CD's and DVD's, I wonder why they try to conceal C's and DV's identity? Everybody knows C and DV.

What's going on here? In the Philippines, we used to point and laugh. We'd think about it later that night and laugh again!

Now it's not funny.

And niether are periods. In advertisement headlines and taglines. But that's a rant. For another day.

You're going to he'll,
Carlo's

Para sa Bulol

2005-08-16T00:37:00.000-07:00

Funny Thing Happened On My Sketchbook

2005-08-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

This is a comic I drew for an empty space that Danni Lim needed filled for the school newsletter. In it is a plug for the new-student guide, The Red Book.

Dedicated to my idol, Senor Sergio Aragones, The King Of Marginal Thinking.

I Ride The Bus At Night

2005-08-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

Not a deadhensons follow up, but certainly a title that would unsurprisingly wind up on an LP with a purple monster mouth open.

But I went downtown last night to meet an old friend, Gurr, to recap the last year's events. Looking out the window, under the slightest of intoxication, secretly watching my co-riders' reflection, I saw the people walking on the street, thinking, they looked a lot different from the people I saw everyday on the same bus, on the same street, in the daylight.

I came upon a single, self-telling conclusion.

This is when the freaks like me come out. The suits are gone and all that's left are the straight jackets.

Photo courtesy: www.johnlubotsky.com/ images/bus_by_night.jpg

The problem with language

2005-08-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

is that people can speak it without knowing it.

Or maybe the problem is people are too smart for their own good.

I was sitting at a the SFJAZZ Summerfest, a free concert held in Union Square this afternoon, having randomly decided to sit and wait there while waiting for 6:30 to come. Up on stage was the Arlington Houston Quintet. As expected these talented musicians take turns doing their solos.

Okay, keep in mind while I'm recounting this that I was completely sober when I was watching. But it totally bugged me when the crowd would robotically clap after every solo.

Were the musicians blowing our minds?

Were they making us laugh with odd turnarounds or familiar hooks?

Was someone in the crowd whooping infectuously to the language of the brass...or the stand up bass...or peaking on E as they tickled the ivory?

No.

Mankind has just been puppy dog trained to be courteous. Okay, perhaps appreciative.

Here's the thing though. A society that prides itself in its predictable social niceties is grinding itself into the ground, smoothing jagged edges and wearing down distinguishing features so that no one gets hurt, and so that nobody stands out and gets the nasty look. The Evil Eye.

The last note in a sax solo (especially sax/trumpet/drum) is like a flashing APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE sign hanging over our heads, telling us that something is not only funny or entertaining that lauging or whooping is enough, but something is moving us with the holy spirit of performance to clap! and double our audible signs of approval.

If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you bust out an awesome solo, shall we not ovate?

For Pop, 1938-2005

2005-08-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

For he would truly understand.

Ah, me!

2005-08-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

So ladies and germs, I am officially into this blogging thing. I have scoped out the necessary tools to make this a more friendly place for tourists and thrill seekers to explore, frolic, and stay. If that plug doesn't get them through the proverbial door, then I'll start to promise money.

I figure it will start to happen anyway. I'm not aware that blogspot.com has any sort of spyware, but I just registered on myspace yesterday so I could view Angie's ...space, and I get an email from Aida asking if I had an account with myspace!?

Aliens? Natural Born Citizens? Well well well. Look do we have here, 'ika nga (or as they say..."As They Say").

Comic Relief Muna

2005-08-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Munuh-munuh

2005-08-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

SAN FRANCISCO (CG) - The Dead Hensons--the latest Muppet Show Cover Band to sweep through the town since Furry Socks With Mouths Sewn Into Them (Patent Pending). This multitalented band of 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12...no seriously, 8 players, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! (krgzzzzzsh! boom!) has won the heart of this 70s kid.

With improvised gag lines in loving memory of Waldorf and Statler (W: There's nothing like a good Rock Band S: Yes, they were nothing like it) embedded in the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational theme, songs from Sesame street --Lowercase n and the anthemic Capital I-- and of course, the flippant but complex jazz tune, Munuh-munuh, these guys were Drive, drive, driving their car of polka, funk, and soul gently down the street of creative ditties that captured generations on end that had some of the shortest attention spans in pre-adolescent history.

Two of my favorite songs played tonight were "My First Day Of School" by The Count, CTW-ASCAP

(excerpt)

(Creepy organ music begins)

The first day that I went to school yes, I remember clearly
My mummy made me leave at home the spiders I loved dearly
I felt a little sad as I walked through the classroom door,
But then I saw more children than I'd ever seen before.
"Ah ha!" I cried, "this new school will be fun
For I can count all of the children one by one"

not to mention "Ladybugs' Picnic"

They talked about the high price of furniture and rugs
And fire insurance for ladybugs
The ladybugs 12
At the ladybugs' picnic
12!

which was (of course) by Don Hadley (words) and by William Luckey (music). (Of Course)

Deep in my heart, and I know my sisTer will know this just as deeply, I wanted to hear The Alligator King, which you can hear on http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/alligator.avi. God Bless! I'm getting goosebumps listening to it now.

(Okay, I'm not THAT old. I was born in 1979 but I had 354 days of it to enjoy as a 70s kid.)

These guys onstage though, they were a class act, with a drumming cutie who could tapdance and play the washboard, another bass playing hunny who kazooed her way to the top, the sleazy 70s beefcake who did the creepy vocals to the Nightmare Band song (he also wore a pastel plaid suitjacket and played trombone that was sprouting sunflowers, but I think only I noticed) and the rest of the band who could play the clarinet, accordion, and the banjo.

True to form, they sold their album on 7" vinyl, probably to escape royalty violations and yellow t-shits with their band name and Ernie and Bert with Groucho Marx facegear. Why that makes so much sense...I don't know.

But one thing is for certain...this is what they call the Muppet Show.

courtesies:
http://sesame-street-lyrics.wonderlyrics.com/The-First-Day-Of-School.html for The First Day of School
http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/ladybug.html for the Ladybugs' picnic
http://pbskids.org/sesame/images/count_tunein_3.gif

James Doohan 1920-2005

2005-08-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

"Ah've givun 'er all she's got, Cap'n."

Aye, Scotty. We hardly knew ye.

Photo courtesy:http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TOS/cast/69073.html

When Twelve Fools is Better than One

2005-07-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

1. Love Fool - the Cardigans
2. A Fool For You (Live) - Ray Charles
3. I'm A Fool to Do Your Dirty Work - Steely Dan
4. Kissing A Fool - George Michael
5. What A Fool Believes - The Doobie Brothers
6. Lemon Tree - Fool's Garden
7. Chain Of Fools - The Commitments
8. Why Do Fools Fall In Love - Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers
9. Fool To Think - Dave Matthews
10. Victim of A Foolish Heart - Joss Stone
11. Fortunate Fool - Jack Johnson
12. The Fool On The Hill - The Beatles
13. At Last - Etta James (No Fool)

I'm glad DMB made the list and well done. I'm not the biggest fan of late, though his lyrics and breaks and turns did make some great moments awesome. This is a good song out of some failures in DMB's latest.

I'm a huge Sting fan, and I was determined to find lyrics of his including his Police days, but I guess he doesn't fancy himself a fool.

#s 3 and 5 are favorites, as well as the two songs that started the compilation, actually.

At Last, I dedicate to Jenn, who pointed me to that part of the universe that bulges and conspires generosity and abundance.

The Addictive Predictive

2005-07-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

They call it predictive messaging. But, if it were really a supercognizant program, then why do we have to even touch our phones to get the message typed and sent?

And why isn't there predictive calling? That would sure be half a blessing. Then, I would be able to call the people that I've been putting calls to off. Like right now when I should have called Kevin, who's at the North Beach Jazz Festival. Maybe once in a while, whilst dialling the number of a girl I want to ask out, I should get a recorded message saying, "Save your saliva Carlos. She didn't pick up Sunday. She didn't pick up Monday, She didn't pick up Tuesday, and she didn't pick up yesterday. Here, call your sister. She thinks you're seceding from the family."

But I'll have to admit, there is something positively intuitive about this predictive messaging software that allows it to discover pairs of words that have synonymous relations or sybolic allegory.

Try this one for example:

Type in George Bush.

While you're typing (G)4-(E)3-(O)6- and then (R)7 the word that comes out is 'hemp'. 'Hemp'? 'Bush'?

It works. It *is* predictive.

I've seen this happen with much more precise and glaring predicting brilliance. Another example is when you're typing 'home' the word 'good' is the first to spell itself out.

I'm flabbergasted.

My Outbox

2005-07-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

Every so often, I get moved by an idea so wonderful that *not* writing it down would be criminal. Usually, I get this wind of inspiration with the pipe variety. And so I find myself on the bus or walking in the street, tripping out on the way the world works and finding little bits of insight here and there. I would love to get these moments down for future meditation and extrapolation, but sheets of paper or pen are out of reach.

Meanwhile, the next best thing to letter-writing and keeping a correspondence with my friends and relatives is using my old Nokia. It's an old piece of junk, a hand-me-down from my sister's old Cingular wireless phone plan. A klunker as this old phone is, it will *not* go away. I've flung it across the room from bruschetta-stained fingers onto pebblewash ten feet away and into peoples' lunches to see it discharge its parts like a space shuttle going into it's third stage of burn.

But it won't die. And it won't delete my correspondences with my thumb pals or with myself. I have this outbox with dozens of little parables I pick up on the way to Kate O'Briens or waiting for the BART underground. Before my 3310 or whatever PoS model this is, I think I ought to download all these little proverbial jots, these stabs at literature. I've begun to copy my phonebook onto my computer. (Word to the wise, this will pay off later on.) It's not a hardcopy which can get lost or burn. It's on a hard drive memory disk of 80 GB which can get lost or burnt just as easily.